Want To Dental Floss Your Ass?
Well then wear a pair of thongs. Oh holy hell! If that is not the most torturous of all women’s intimate apparel that has ever been invented then I don’t know what is. They are not only uncomfortable, they mess with your mind and your self-esteem.
It was one of those times. I skipped doing laundry for longer than I should have and found myself faced with two options, wear a pair of 7 year old maternity underwear that I didn’t even realize I still had.. or the fifty cents worth of fabric that I paid $12 bucks for. Yep, when I finally got around to the dreaded activity of putting on actual clothing (approx 1:55 this afternoon), I found myself staring at the panty drawer rejects. All I can say is thank goodness I only had to endure them for a couple of hours, which was about an hour and fifty-five minutes longer than it took me to realize how they came to buried underneath every other pair of panties I own to begin with.
In my opinion there are only two occassions when thongs can be withstood.. 1. when you are wearing something that would look like dog dung if you had pantylines showing through and you have sufficiently done a mental preparation for the agony you are going to endure and/or 2. in situations such as mine today, which just for the record I will either wear those maternity panties I mentioned or go commando before I wear those things again. However, if you are the possessor of your standard run of the mill mommy body and not one of those women with a great body (otherwise known as those bitches!) and are inclined to do any of the following…
- Be reminded that no matter how many crunches you do you will always have that little rounded belly after baking a baby or three.
- Walk around singing “I Got That Wedgie Feeling”
- Constantly tug at your butt and not be able to grab ahold of anything
- Be paranoid that you might have a car wreck and have the paramedics snicker when they cut off your clothes.. or gasp in horror
- Pay for the therapy that you and the paramedics will need after the above takes place
- Get a live example of what buns of steel are not
- Or, the before mentioned.. find out what it feels like to dental floss your ass…
Then by all means, wear a pair of thongs.
You know there are pros and cons for that little piece of fabric you paid twelve bucks for although there are others that cost a lot more…maybe because it’s silky satin or barely there sheer or something. Okay, let’s start with the pros. No panty lines, um…no panty lines, minuscule or no fart stains, easy access for sex. Cons - doesn’t hide your tampon string, constantly picking your ass and in the process bruising your ass for trying to remove the wedgie and it’s just plain uncomfortable. That is a myth though because they don’t have to be uncomfortable and they shouldn’t be. You should be buying the silky satin type that screams “I can’t believe it’s a thong!” thong.
I agree. I’m not a thong kinda gal. Thongs belong on your feet and between your toes, not between your crack. I will leave this for the rest of the ladies who appreciates the “finer” things in life.
Part of the problem may have been the ‘Pair’ of thongs. Perhaps you’d have been more comfy had you tried wearing only 1 thong at a time!
LOL.. smart ass.
Maybe TwoCents can think a lil’ more clearly since she isn’t wearing a “thong” LOL.
There are many reasons stated in this article as to why I never gave into to wearing a thong, but most notably would be to prevent paramedics from gasping in horror should I ever need medical treatment after a car wreck. Besides, my maternity panties aren’t lost somewhere in my drawer–they’re right on top LOL!
this was a funny read, but i love my thongs…