Hormones With Legs
That’s what I have decided 15 year olds are.. just this huge glob of hormones busting at the seams with these legs that allow them to walk around fooling you into thinking they are still the little baby you gave birth to, only bigger and a lot more emotional.
It makes me wonder what the repercussions would be of having my 15 year old son’s genitalia surgically removed and then reattached when he becomes of an age.. you know like maybe 30 or 35? Okay, obviously that is not something I am seriously considering.. but darned if I wouldn’t like to have that as an option right about now.
All of this is on my mind because a friend of mine was telling me about some kids my son’s age getting caught having sex in the school bathroom.. eeww in itself.. but there you have it. So now I’m freaking out.
I wonder, and yes I want to know damn it.. has he already had sex? Would he tell me? I sure wouldn’t have told my mother, but I have a more open relationship with my kids about such things than my mom did with me and my brothers. So I honestly don’t know if he would or wouldn’t.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to sit and discuss sexual conquests with him.. heck I’m not even 100% sure I want to know it from him, but I do want to know that he would discuss it with me if he needed or wanted to, and if he didn’t.. I still want to know. I don’t even care who tells me, I just would like to know. Right now, however, I’m going with the idea that he hasn’t and pray fervently that is true. But that alone brings so many other things to mind, to think about, fret about and obsess over.
We’ve covered the discussions. Sex, results of sex, safe sex, diseases, emotional aspects, urges, willpower, all of it. But beyond the conversation and when it gets down to it, what do you do with a potentially sexually active teenager. How mothers before me have gone through this and survived it.. I have no clue. All I know is that this crap isn’t easy and to be perfectly honest with you, it’s scary as hell.
Let’s look at the options. You arm them with the info and hope that they make wise choices. Like number one being, don’t have sex period. Keeping in mind that very possibly won’t happen, you then move into the “okay well if he does, please dear Lord let him be safe about it” mindset. But will safety even be something he thinks about as hormones are flying and he’s about to take the plunge? No pun intended.
So let’s say I want to make sure it’s something he thinks about, do I then arm him with safety measures by handing over a box of condoms saying.. “If you do decide to have sex, would you please use one of these?” Or if I go that route, do I just buy them and have them in the cabinet where he can see them and try like hell not keep going and looking at that damn box to see if any are missing?
As if I’m even capable of that much willpower. And isn’t that just peachy? I know without a doubt I’m not capable of not looking at that box, yet I expect my son to exercise willpower while hormones are flying through him like a Tasmanian Devil on speed.. oh yeah.. I’m fair.
And what about this, if I do actually supply them, am I then going to be plagued with that niggling thought that makes me feel like I’m condoning it, or at the very least.. will my son think I am condoning it? Would I be making the decision to have sex easier for him by making condoms readily available?
There are so many things that you want for your kids, teenage pregnancies and diseases not being included in that list of course. But how do you ensure that they don’t fall into one of those statistics. Is it even possible to ensure it? I don’t think so, but at the same time, I want to do whatever I can to prevent the likelihood of it happening.
I know for a fact that if my son were to get a girl pregnant while underage, there would be no marriage. We aren’t going to add one mistake on top of another to make it “okay”. Hell I’m not even sure people do that anymore. Regardless, his life would drastically change of course, he would be a father after all, with all the responsibilities that entails, but there will be no wedding bells.. of this I can assure you. Unfortunately, a teenage pregnancy is almost the least of my concerns compared to life threatening diseases. Geez! Did I mention scary as hell before? And isn’t it just freaky that I look at worst case scenarios of teenage sex and view an unplanned, unwanted pregnancy as the “best” worst case scenario?
Okay so let’s say I don’t supply anything other than knowledge.. should I then just look at it from a religious angle and go with the notion that I have given the information needed, now it’s in God’s hands and I just need to have faith?
I wish I knew the answers. But right now I’m going with a combination of all of the above (sort of), excluding the surgery of course… open communication, stressing the absolute importance of safety first and foremost, however not supplying those safety measures, and having faith.
If this doesn’t work, I suppose I will have to look more seriously into that surgery for my other son that is 17 months his junior… provided of course I survive round one.
Not that it really matters, but my mom used to always reiterate the same question everytime before I went out:
“What are the two things we always wear in the car?”
Yeah… well one of those things was condoms - not clothes. I think the other one was a seatbelt.
I never wore either, but I always kept my clothes on so it was all good.
As the mother of a daughter, I can say this…
Give The ManBoy a Condom (if you don’t his school most likely already has). I don’t care if it’s in a mislaid box, a gift wrapped box - big fucking bow, panty drawer or the kitchen sink.
My daughter has made it to young adult (almost 1/4 century - OMG) without disease or baby daddy’s. No thanks to her boyfriends having been educated.
As the mother of a girl… I became very tired of educating her and young men about how not to become a permanent weekend member of the family; if you will.
As the mother of a female… we get tired of taking the ‘bull by the horny (I mean horns)’. Don’t get me wrong… It was a full time job making sure my daughter had all the information I was capable of supplying. It wasn’t enough to thwart her hormones and a good looking boy, nor the lack of information ‘that’ boy had.
Actually, it was scary how much information her friends, male and female didn’t have.
Knowledge is power!
We can teach our kids values. We can teach our kids right from wrong. We Can’t teach them not to feel natural things. We can’t always teach them not to make mistakes… and shouldn’t try or want to. We can give them the tools to make the right choices and hope for the best.
I think that’s all we have as parents. But, that’s just me…
I agree with TwoCents. Preventative measure — yes, just reiterate to not wear more than one at one time! I think arming them is better than disarming them and it will just reinstate the importance of practicing safe sex. It doesn’t necessarily mean you condone it. You know the cliches — Better safe than sorry, better late than pregnant etc. It’s our duty as a parent, as a mother to provide every possible means of knowledge and tools. After that, it’s up to them and you pray to God the vital information they take with them didn’t go in one ear and out the other.
My daughter still have some years, but we already briefly discussed the “period”. Oh boy…
Oh holy hell.. so ya’ll think providing the condoms is the thing to do eh? I just have so many mixed emotions on that one.. but the “fear factor” of not using one certainly does put those emotions into a bit more perspective.
@ TwoCents.. I know you and your daughter, you have done one hell of a job raising her on your own. She is a young woman to be proud of for sure.
@ CollectivelyCool.. You and I have had some deep, DEEP conversations over the years. I have always valued your opinions because they are well thought out and straightforward. This time is no different.
@ Ryan.. What you have to say certainly does matter. You unwittingly helped me more than you could possibly know. Your mother sounds like she rocks! Her question to you is an example of the kind of open communication relationship I try to have with my own children. Thanks for reminding me of that.
Groovy Lady.. I understand your mixed emotions and it must be extremely hard to figure out what is the best thing to do. I think your son will be eternally grateful (he may not realize it now) the open mother-son relationship you share. At this point, I think you will have to weigh the pros and cons of should I or shouldn’t I. I know you will do what’s right for you and your son no matter what. Like mother, like son you’re both very intelligent people.
When I was your son’s age (only about 10 years ago) I thought about sex, but never wanted it enough to do it. It wasn’t something I always thought about being that I was so busy with school — so maybe, if you’re lucky, your son isn’t really thinking about it (at least not above other important things).
And you’ve already talked with him — my mom never talked with me about sex. So keep the communication open and maybe it’ll keep him away from it until he’s old enough to be responsible! Or, at least make sure he knows he can talk to you about anything.
But, good luck! I’m glad I still have years to go before I have to discuss sex with my kids.
Thanks for the input Alisha! Hopefully you are right and he isn’t thinking about sex at all.. but somehow I doubt that, lol.
I just visited your site. You wouldn’t happen to be Alisha that I have known for several years now would ya? Lishux or CashJunkies ring any bells?
I am! Now that I think about it, are you Cathy?!
Oh wow! Yeah, I am Cathy. What a small world this blogging business can be at times, lol.
It was the post about Eamon’s birthday that got me thinking it was you.
I’m so glad you ended up here! It’s great to “see” you around. Oh and I read you are pregnant!!! Congrats on the new baby to be!
Haha, that’s pretty cool how we end up finding each other! I hadn’t even put two and two together that it was you. I’ve actually been reading this blog for the past couple weeks and didn’t realize that you are one of the ladies! I love reading the things you all write about on here — very interesting!
And thank you, this is my last baby, no more after this!
It’s very cool indeed! It’s funny that this happened, especially considering that the blog world is far removed from other areas in which our paths have crossed.
Regardless, I’m thrilled that you found your way here and thank you for the compliment!
Okay, here is my opinion. I have an 11 y/o who is and always has been over curious. She found out that a heavily flowing water faucet can do neat stuff to certain eh…hem parts of the body. It took me 22 yeas to find out anything like that!!!! That being said, I HAD to have the talk with her. And following the talk, I had to have the Q&A. I felt nauseous and lightheaded, almost in a dream-state. Is this really happening to me? That was when she was 7. Yes 7.
So, I feel that with raging hormones at 7, that they must be absolutely unmanagable at 15. Give that boy a condom or 12 and make sure he has the mind to use them. I firmly believe that you cannot prevent it so why not protect it? If you give them the tools to succeed (small snicker), succeed they will in EVERY aspect of life including sex! As my husband says, once you hit that age, you stop thinking with the head that has a brain and the other one has a one track mind!!!!! Good luck with that.