Doing Time
Last night my 14 year old son came into the room, kissed me goodnight and told me there was a note on the kitchen counter I needed to sign. Then he took off running for his room.
Have I ever told ya’ll how smart he is? He was wise to run.
I ever so sweetly called after him to come back and bring me the note.
- You better get your butt back in here right now and bring me that note! -
So of course I was thinking.. he’ll be here any moment now with the note in hand. - Yeah that’s right little man.. run and hide, run and hide. -
Instead, from the distance of several rooms, a hallway and a flight of stairs, I heard a rather wimpy, “I love you Mom.. g’nite” and the slamming of a bedroom door. - Crap! I’m going to have to actually get up! -
Since I’ve become quite accustomed to getting notes from one of his teachers, having been weekly pen pals for the last three months and all, I pretty much figured out who the note was from. So I anxiously jumped up from the couch with a smile on my face and a little skip in my step, and made my way into the kitchen. - Grrr.. what in the hell has crawled up that man’s ass and died this time? Worse.. what has that child done now to tick him off? -
I was looking so forward to reading the 10 billionth pleasant little handwritten note on plain white paper I knew was waiting for me, but I couldn’t find it. - Where is my plain white paper note? No, no, no.. surely not! WTF?!? RED paper? -
It wasn’t a note at all. It was a form letter with lots of little check boxes (all empty) with offenses out beside each one. It had my son’s name on it, directly under the bold black heading that said, Notice Of Detention, and a fill in the blank line that had been completed to say, Report to school at 7am to carry out 3 day(s) of detention on 4/11, 4/12 and 4/13/2007.
- O-k-a-y! - Well that explained why he ran, but it didn’t explain why he got detention. I didn’t start to worry yet though because his teacher, being the proficient man he is at expressing himself, left me a clue. It was written slanted across the paper, very large and underlined three times in what appeared to be a black Sharpie..
“I HAVE HAD IT!”
Now I don’t know about ya’ll, but when I read that I kind of got the impression that the man was a wee bit perturbed. Obviously, this was a situation that needed to be addressed immediately and since I didn’t want to wake up the entire household, I called out to my son as quietly as I could but still loud enough to be heard. - C! GET . IN . HERE . NOW!!!”
He came dragging into the room, looking down at the floor and scratching his butt. He was trying his best to look like I had just woke him up from that sound 5 minute sleep he had enough time for.. pfft. I remained calm and in a soft spoken voice told him to tell me in his own words what had happened. - Start at the beginning! Leave NOTHING out! If you do, you WILL die before daybreak!” -
Here’s his story that came out in a couple of long run-on sentences. Needless to say, the detention is obviously deserved…
“Well you know how Mr. J gets mad if I do stuff with my teeth right? Well Z and I thought it might be funny if I put them in his desk drawer, so I did and when he opened it up, he screamed and everyone started laughing. He yelled at me to get my teeth out of his drawer and I told him I had my teeth in my mouth and then I smiled at him to show him and everyone started laughing again and I got detention. Then after class R told Z to ask me if I wanted to “go out” with her, she thinks I’m pimpin’! *insert his huge grin here*”
I suppose adding these…
… as a gag gift inside his Easter basket wasn’t so funny after all.
I’ve been thinking about it and I just can’t for the life of me imagine where your boy get his sense of humor!?!?!?! Hmmm, could it be the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree?
Look at the bright side, if nothing else- he serves as a good form of birth control to us fans that don’t already have spawn of our own!
That is so funny….My 11 y/o daughter thinks I’m crazy. I was literally laughing out loud! What the hell? He is so quick witted. I only wish I had half of that when I was in school. (Okay, that was the kid in me).
As for the adult in me….you must take some serious action with this child. He cannot keep pissing his teacher off. He is playing on this man’s weakness and is really making a fool of this poor, abused educator!!! Yep, that is my stand. Time to punish the boy. (BUT OMG, that was so freaking funny……)
Great read!!! I love your son!
I’m with Krystal here, that was really funny and I kind of wish I could have done things like that in school just for a few laughs! But, nope, I just sat there being a good little girl.
I also think that teacher needs a sense of humor and this must be your son’s way of trying to get it out of him! I bet if the teacher would just laugh about the pranks, then your son wouldn’t enjoy it as much and possibly give up until he found something else.
Of course at the same time, I hope your son doesn’t eventually get suspended from school or even worse!
OMG that is so freakin’ funny (or at least it is until that’s MY son doing that stuff). I NEED SOME OF THOSE TEETH!!!!
Ah the days of detention…I remember those.
Cool grill by the way. I need to get me some of those.
@ tysgirl… Well don’t look at me! I’m a pillar of seriousness! Don’t let mine scare you off from having kids either.. I’ll readily admit they just aren’t right and not what anyone should look upon as being the “norm”.
@ Krystal.. I agree something has to be done to his butt. I’m just not sure what yet and am still thinking on it. I had to send him to bed last night because I couldn’t discuss it with him.. I needed to laugh and I didn’t want him to see me.
Regardless of me thinking it was rather funny, I can’t condone him getting in trouble like that at school and he knows this.. If you get detention or suspended and you deserve it, then you ARE in trouble at home too.. period.
@ Alisha.. I think you are right about his teacher needing a sense of humor.. hell one ounce of one would help. I’m sure he wouldn’t be nearly as fun for C to torment if he didn’t get so bent out of shape about things. Not condoning what C did btw.. just saying.
@ Sayre… I probably would have found more immediate humor in it too had it not been one of mine doing it, lol. As it is I just found a little bit of humor (I’m such a liar, I sent him to bed and laughed my ass off.)
The teeth are cool btw.. although I’m not sure how he kept them in. They have something in them that makes them pliable when you run them under warm water. Then you push them onto your teeth so they will take on that shape and look natural.
I get how he did that part, but I just can’t figure out how he kept them in his mouth with his front teeth out. He must have been able to attach them to the teeth on each side.. or finally used that damn Fixadent for the first time.
@ Snowman.. Yeah I couldn’t resist buying the grill when I saw it, lol. I made up and attached a cute, but corny rap verse to them before sticking them in his basket. Little did I know they would be the kind of gift that just kept on giving.
OH MY! I’m dying. I’d totally have loved your son if he was in my high school class!
What a character! You need to figure out how he can use his superhuman powers for good.
@ Smiling Mom… I would totally love having you as my son’s teacher.
@ Jeff… I would love to do that, but I’m too busy trying to keep my other son from burning the house down with his experiments.
The detention might have been worth it for the story alone.
Wow that’s soo….cute! Oh to be 14 and a wise-ass again.
….wait, I still AM a wise-ass.
Oh to be 14 again….
Wow! That is hilarious. I would have paid money to see and hear that teacher scream. He probably jumped too, while he was screaming like a little girl.
His teacher desperately need to get a sense of humor instead of getting his boxers in an entangled mess around his balls. Your son is damn hilarious!
I hadn’t seen the Grill - we had an exchange student from France, and I bought her the hillbilly teeth (doubt if she ever wore them, but a conversation item).
Yes, teacher should lighten up - teeth in a drawer bringing all that??
But your son has to realize he is dealing with someone in power that can control his life, and learn now how to adapt. Before he gets a boss like that who will fire his butt.
Okay, that is JUST helarious! I can see how his teacher failed to see the humor in it, but that sh*t is funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I feel that will be my future when Junior Mayhem hits his teenage years!
At least he is getting a date out of the deal….will he be alive to go on it?
That’s funny as hell but I would be kicking asses for sure. Maybe your son has a future in comedy.
@ limpy.. it was for a while, lol.. then I had to get up and have him at school at 7am and that feeling left me.
@ Anne.. Ditto! Thanks for stopping by!
@ SoozieQ.. There is no doubt in my mind that he screamed like a girl, lol.
@ CollectivelyCool.. Agreed, however I wish it wasn’t my son that was trying to give him the lessons, lol.
@ joeinvegas.. You are absolutely right about the boss thing later in life and that is what I tried to explain to him this afternoon… right before he told me he was planning on working for himself.. as a hacker.
@ Queen of the Mayhem.. He’ll still be alive for the “date” but I can’t guarantee he will have use of his legs. I’m still thinking about breaking them.
@ Hammer.. LOL, not to worry. Ass will most assuredly be kicked in one form or another. That’s a given.
I am soooo looking forward to this age! Hang in there, momma.
I’m SURE you haven’t been told this a hundred times, but you are SO FUNNY! Seriously, I’d give that kid a pat on the back after what you’ve gone through with that teacher.
@ Carrie.. Oh I’m hanging! Sometimes I feel like it’s by the tips of my fingers but I’m hanging.
I remember when mine were still little thinking what a huge loss I would feel when they got older and no longer little people. Of course I have moments that I do feel that way, but over all it turned out I was wrong. It honestly gets better and better each year.
@ Terri.. Thank you! LOL!
I definitely give him points for creativity and daring, lol.. and I tell him so after whatever havoc he has caused settles down.
I have to walk a different line with him than I do my other two.. he’s just so “out there”. I feel like I need to scold him so he will at least have a clue as to what is acceptable and what isn’t.. but at the same time, I don’t want to break his spirit either, because I personally find joy in it.
He’s a happy person and people seem to be happy when they are around him. I love that for him and don’t want to be the reason that ever changes.
LOL LOL LOL—I wonder where he gets his sense of humor from?! Love the teeth!
Hmmm…by the way you write, and your story telling, i know exactly where his quick wit comes from. Wink wink.
Your son needs to keep this stuff up, it makes for great blogging! LOL.
He’s going to be the one kid in class that everyone remembers for the rest of their days, isn’t he! Memorably mischevious!
@ Gypsy… LOL, maybe he has peeked in on too many of our conversations.
@ Michelle… Thanks! I’m afraid my children have surpassed me in the quick department though.. damn it.
If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have anything to blog about, hahaha.
@kimber… What a cool thing to say! I haven’t ever thought about that.. but I like that for him. Thanks!
I didn’t read through all your comments, but do you ever see yourself in your son?
LOL
Just an observation.
I don’t know you all that well, but from what I do know - I think a few years ago, you probably would have done the same thing.
From my point of view, it’s not like your son did a live sacrifice of a chicken in the classroom - or shot one of his classmates. I think Mr. Pissy Pants needs to find a sense of humor himself, or just quit teaching.
LOL!! That was halarious! Thanks for the laugh BTW.
I definitely think this teacher really needs to find a sense of humor also and I (kind of) think the teeth thing doesn’t warrant a detention. JMO
@ Ryan… LOL, I think he has me beat, but admittedly not by much. Shhh don’t tell anyone this.. but I haven’t changed at all in the last few years, lol.. I’m actually kind of disappointed that he thought of it and not me.
I really like the name Mr. Pissy Pants. I think that’s what I will refer to him as from now on.
WAH Opps… He does indeed need to find a sense of humor, unfortunately I think he would have to look to others to find it though.. his is definitely non-existent.
I thought detention was a bit harsh too, but in his defense.. the boy has been driving him to it. I think it was a build up of tension and he snapped, lol.
Tell your son to put green gunk in the drawer next time. It’s harder to trace back to the culprit and we managed to give a teacher an actual nervous breakdown with it.
(evil laughter, my student’s get extra marks for a good practical joke. That w***ker needs to get himself a sense of humour implanted!)
@ Cathy.. Why, oh why can’t my kids get teachers like you and a couple of others who posted here???
It makes me want to cry knowing ya’ll are out there, yet you are elusive to us.
i want the sparkly teeth!
I found this comment
Jesus Christ on a Popsicle stick! What a twatwaffel
here
http://malnurturedsnay.net/wordpress/
I just had to share
@ Ched.. I wish I had known in time for your birthday! You would have been one pimpin’ cat.
@ Cathy… LMAO! Holy hell.. that made me scald my tongue on hot coffee.
Damn woman, you can’t throw stuff like that out there for someone to see as soon as they come online.. on second thought do! It made me laugh my ass off and hopefully it set the tone for the remainder of the day.
Thanks for sharing!
@ Cathy.. Forgot to add, I read that story the comment was posted on.. Ewwww!
teacher really does need a sense of humor–he’s gonna get even gradewise if you don’t all have a sit down.
Hilarious! That’s a brilliant kid you’ve got there and a very unamused teacher - that sucks I imagine/ I just hope he doesn’t get into any more trouble for your sake. But with all the bad kids around, a teacher should chill and appreciate some good hearted pranks.
LMAO - oh good god…you didn’t get him those for easter!
Oh and now i think the teacher is in desperate need to get drunk and laid.