Highway To Hell
Ya’ll we had the most exciting night around here! I just know that I am going to go to bed tonight with a smile on my face. Why?
WE’RE ALIVE!!!
The kids and I had to make an emergency run to the nearest Walmart which is about 20 minutes away. Apparently our local Piggly Wiggly doesn’t think it is necessary to carry calculators along with bread and milk.. dumb asses. I mean seriously, if you owned the only store, besides Chevron Quick Mart, that was open past 9pm, in a relatively small community, that has a grammar, middle and a high school.. which have a combined total of about 1,700 kids.. would you not have one hell of a school supply aisle? Well okay, calculators may be asking a bit too much.. but unless you need a 24 pack of Crayola Crayons or a poster board, you are just shit out of luck.
Okay, that’s beside the point, we had to go to Walmart because my 14 year old son remembered at 8pm that he HAS to have a plain, ordinary calculator with no special features by 8am in the morning. He’s taking the SATs and they get to use a calculator on the math portion, provided it has no special features and provided that everyone has one. He can’t use the scientific calculator that was required at the beginning of the semester.. the one that we were told had to be a specific name brand and model number.. the one that cost me $40+ bucks. No, it had to be the plain kind that I didn’t even know they made anymore.. the kind we do not own. So the three kids and I head off to Walmart.
I think my first mistake was letting my “scaring me to death while he is learning to drive” 15 year old drive us there. At night. For the first time at night. On the interstate. My second mistake was not making sure that my 14 year old son had no weapons on him. My third mistake was not asking my 6 year old daughter if she needed to use the bathroom BEFORE we left and my fourth mistake was a failure to ask everyone.. “Did anyone else forget they need something for tomorrow?” How silly and remiss of me.
At approximately 8:15 we are cruising down the interstate, everything is going good when my daughter informs us she has got to use the bathroom RIGHT NOW. We get off the interstate, go to McDonald’s where everyone of course got thirsty and chocolate milkshakes were bought all around. We get back in the car, realize the purpose of our stop never took place.. go back in, pee and leave. At 8:55 we get to Walmart, grab the calculator and had just gotten in the checkout line, when my 15 year old remembers he HAS to have a book for tomorrow, Agatha Christie’s “And Then There Were None”. I have no idea what the book is about, but that title proved to be true in regards to Walmart’s stocking of the book as well.
At 9:15 we are back in the car, heading to the OTHER side of town with Books-a-Million as our destination. Somewhere around 9:30 or so a Nerf missle went flying past my head, followed by several of its ammo siblings. I slammed on the non-existent brakes on the passenger side and sharply turned my imaginary steering wheel to the right, while my son did the same thing on the driver’s side with the tools that count. So it was probably around 9:31 when the two passenger side tires worked their way into a slight ditch that was just beyond the shoulder of the road.
After I realized everyone was okay and that the vile taste in my mouth had come from my stomach, I opened the door, gagged.. saw we weren’t stuck and then did what came natural.. I turned around and tried to beat the hell out of my son with the Nerf gun I snatched out of his hands.. and let me just say, that is one limber kid. I don’t think I got one good blow in damn it.
Everyone calmed down. I decided to let my 14 year old live since we had just gotten him a new $3 calculator. I certainly didn’t want to waste all that time and effort we put into acquiring it. We ended up having to go to two different bookstores before we found the book we needed, throw in a near turn onto a one way street and a couple of stop sign running episodes and our journey was complete with no further mishaps. Thank goodness!
Now I’m worn out. I feel like I aged 10 years in the few hours we were gone. However, since my oldest will get his bonus points for having his book on time, his brother now has a calculator and will not be the reason his classmates don’t get to use theirs and most importantly, everyone is still alive, I would have to consider the venture an overall success. So heck yeah! I will definitely be going to sleep tonight with a smile on my face.
Woohoo! We drove down the highway to hell & survived it…
WE’RE ALIVE!!!
Everyone has its own goals to become satisfied… :p
Btw Lady, what about puttin the song thingie on top of the story, I always forget its down there and now I have to type a comment until thats over, otherwise it didnt serve its purpose!
okay I ended up just listening.. :p
Yay! I love happy endings
Whoo Hoo!!! Glad to hear you survived! I don’t know what I would do otherwise!!! I would be stringing the 14 y/o up by his toenails….better yet, his father would deal with him after I embellished that story!!! LOL.
Now, I have to say…those are questions I’d never think to ask on a calculator hunt.
Glad you are all alive and well.
Okay, it’s great you all lived. But, did you get to see 24 and eat that ham, potatoes and cheese thing?
oh, and I agree with Clinton. The song might be better up top.
@ Clinton… Really? Damn you are just like my kids.. music playing while reading. I can’t listen to music and read at the same time. Thanks for the suggestion!
@ Hammer… Me too!
@ Krystal… Yes, being alive is good! I try to avoid the dad thing unless it’s absolutely necessary. If I brought him into the mix that means I would have to actually talk to him and possibly even side with him.. eeww.
I love that your daughter had to go to the bathroom so badly you had to stop, but was so easily distracted by a McDonald’s shake that she forgot to go! Wish I could accomplish that!
@ Janet.. Thanks! They just kill me. I was so different from that as a kid. I would tell my mom the day I found out I needed something. Which by the way.. they both knew they needed these items for over a week.
You can bet I’ll be asking them daily.. the second they get in the car after school from now on.
Freebies.. No we didn’t! Well we did but later.. much later, lol. It was the latest dinner in history.
I recorded 24 and watched it after I got everyone in bed. That is such a good show! Everyone should watch it.
Btw.. on the song thing.. if you knew Clinton, you would NEVER agree with anything his ass says.
@ Terri.. My daughter is the biggest drama queen ever! And she did NOT get it naturally.. I never dramatize any situation.. *dodges a lightning strike*
You never know with her, lol. I have to take her seriously when she gets insistent because anytime I choose to think she is exaggerating… she really isn’t, lol.
Wow. I did something like that to mom who didn’t go to Walmart cause I waited so late so I didn’t have my poster board and got points knocked off because it was late. Being the big nerd that I am, I was upset and never let that happen again.
I have a story like the nerf ball one… think I will post that today.
You’re such a good mom. My mom would have beaten me if I pulled that shit.
@ Snowman… I think I’m a pushover with certain things. I couldn’t stand the thought of him possibly being the only one that didn’t have a calculator, thus preventing anyone else from using theirs. I would have dragged them all out at midnight to help him avoid that possible scenario.
I’m going to be checking for your Nerf story, lol.. I look forward to reading it.
@ tysgirl… Not so good of a mother unfortunately. I really did try to beat him, lol.. I just couldn’t reach him and he kept dodging me. It’s probably a good thing he did.. I do believe my intent at the time was to draw blood.
Curse those limber-kids!
BTW - And Then There Were None is a GREAT book… (I am an Agatha Christie geek)
Geez - I only have 7 more years before I have to worry about that learning to drive thing… I’m already scared.
Last week, my son’s KenPo instructor was talking to the class and actually said, “It is NOT okay to throw up a block when your parents are trying to spank you.” I was in the waiting room and could not control the guffaw that came out of my mouth.
@ Kristin… No kidding! His contortionist abilities might would have impressed at the time me if I hadn’t been so ticked off that actually possessed them. It makes it very difficult to satisfy your blood lust.
@ Sayre… Well sometime between now and 7 years from now, lol, be sure and read some of the suggestions left in the comments on my Cruisin’ Together post. I certainly wish I had some of them prior to starting out.
LOL.. I would have laughed at the KenPo instructors comment too. Could you imagine trying to swat one of them and getting “Five Swords” move in return? Holy hell!
My oldest took KenPo lessons for a couple of years… many moons ago.
DONT COMPARE ME WITH YOUR KIDS, after reading all this stuff on your blog, thats the last thing I want you to do :p
Hell, I dont even have a clue what a “Nerf gun” is actually, that good of a boy am I !
Good Lord Woman! Sounds like there is never a dull moment around your house! It seems as though I spend my life running around like a chicken with my head cut off….but at least I am not to the driving part yet…thank goodness!
So glad to hear you are all okay!
“DONT COMPARE ME WITH YOUR KIDS, after reading all this stuff on your blog, thats the last thing I want you to do :p
Hell, I dont even have a clue what a “Nerf gun” is actually, that good of a boy am I !”
Me thinks he protests a bit to loudly!
Do you have grey hair?
Tell the truth now…..
I laughed my ass off. It’s never good when you have the imaginary tools and the kid is “using the ones that count”. That was priceless.
How do you survive? Better yet, how do your kids survive?
@ Clinton.. I’ll compare you to anyone I want. Whatcha gonna do about it.. huh? huh?
I can’t believe you don’t know what a Nerf gun is! It’s a toy, it shoots ammo that’s made out of a sturdy foam kind of substance.. oh hell here: http://www.hasbro.com/nerf/ They also make various kinds of balls made out of a similar substance.
LOL!! This juicy stuff never ends on here!
I wouldn’t survive all of this for sure. I bet you’re really tired! lol
But…please keep it coming!
@ Queen.. I live in a zoo. No.. I live in a jungle, lol.
I bet you do run around like a chicken with your head cut off.. I honestly do see how working mothers do it. I have the greatest respect for anyone that can raise kids and hold a full time job.
@ Freebies.. Clinton’s not old enough to have a Nerf gun yet.. I think the suggested age on most of those are for kids ages 6 and up.
@ Ryan.. LOL! Funny that you mentioned grey hair.. My daughter and I were waiting on the boys to get out of school this afternoon and had the top down on the car. She shrieked, “Hold still Mom!! I see a grey hair!”
I suppose the sun shining down on it made it look like a reflector or something. Then of course she yanked out about 20 hairs trying to get that one she spied.. so apparently I do have some grey damn it.
@ WAH Opps.. I can’t afford to be tired, lol. If I ever let that happen then they will walk all over me and laugh while doing it.
Ok, that, I’m not looking forward to. My stomach was turning just picturing the scene!
Ahh, that brings back fond memories of high school, and driving my own mother insane with an ever-growing list of things I forgot I needed the next day… Good times
@ Smiling Mom.. I don’t blame you.. it is NOTHING to look forward to, lol. However, I must accept a lot of the blame here.. he isn’t exactly learning from someone that others consider a “good” driver.
@ Viking.. Hey there! Welcome to Groovy Lady! I honestly can’t remember ever doing that.. I think it’s a guy thing.
I prefer to be called a 6 years old kid than a grandma, grandma
You probably had a head ache after hearing “the highway to hell” song or you must turned off the bass :p
LOL.. are you calling me old? Never mind.. don’t answer that. I know you are, lol.
And you’re right! However, I am NOT a grandmother yet.. don’t even say that crap. I have a potentially sexually active teen.. maybe two!
I am impressed that you found that book in stock. And that you survived. Congratulations.
@joeinvegas.. I am too! After the first one didn’t have it I started worrying a bit. But they called around to their other stores and found us a copy. I’ve never read any Christie novels but apparently lots of people do.. they had a huge selection of them.
Thank goodness for Books-a-Million!
@ WAH Opps.. I can’t afford to be tired, lol. If I ever let that happen then they will walk all over me and laugh while doing it.:D
This is true! lol
Oh, my God. I can’t stop laughing.
Hey there Bonnie Ann!
Well that it explains it! I was wondering why my ears were burning.. you were over there laughing at me!!!
Thanks for stopping by! I just wished the two girls a fun trip but I forgot to add the most important part.. tell them to be sure and
get all wild and funky, just do whatever the hell they want cause no one knows them there!stay safe!!!