Addicted To Goobers
I’m a sick, twisted woman who for some perverse reason gets pleasure out of embarrassing my kids for no reason at all other than I think it’s funny. Personally, I see no problem with this except for the fact that my kids are pretty damn clever, quick witted and are giving me a run for my money.
D, a friend of mine, and I decided to take our kids to see Spider-Man 3 this past Saturday. His three children and mine match in age and gender, and are best buds with each other, so it made for a nice little outing. We arrived, purchased our tickets and got in the snack line for some popcorn, drinks and goodies to munch on during the movie.
While we were waiting for our turn in line I told all the kids to be deciding what they wanted so we would have enough time to get in the theater and find enough seats for everyone before it got too crowded. Since kids, especially our two younger girls, can take so damn long to decide when faced with so many delectable options, I shoved them up under the elbows of the crowd ahead of us so they could be looking and save us some time once it was our turn.. I’m such a smart cookie.
Well, it turned out they were not the hold up this time. It was me and my oldest son, because like I mentioned above.. I just really dig embarrassing my kids and the opportunity presented itself to embarrass my son, I just couldn’t pass it up. It also turned out to be a mistake.. all of it, the not passing it up part and thinking that could still one up my son damn it. I am so NOT a smart cookie.
Everyone was telling me what they wanted and I was placing the order, when my son said he wanted chocolate covered peanuts otherwise known as Goobers. Now being the the extremely immature soul that I am, I decided he should place his own order and tell the cute young girl behind the counter what he wanted, by its proper name. So I smiled and said.. “Sure honey.. tell her what you want.”
Knowing me all too well and completely having my number, he told the girl he wanted a box of chocolate covered peanuts and smirked at me. So I told the counter chick, “No, no, no.. don’t give them to him until he asks for them properly, by their correct name.” She gave me a huge smile that lit up her whole face and readily agreed.
My son laughingly tells her, “Don’t listen to my mom, she has a mental problem.” To which she replied, “She seems fine to me, now what did you want to order?” He sighs loudly and repeats that he wanted the chocolate covered peanuts. Of course there wasn’t anything in her counter “named” chocolate covered peanuts, she told him so and asked if he knew what the “real name” was so she could check again.
He, thinking I wouldn’t carry it so far to get the poor girl in trouble, told her, “If you don’t give me a box of chocolate covered peanuts, I may have to tell the manager you won’t take my order.” Meanwhile, D is thoroughly enjoying himself because I did the same thing to him several months ago. I’m pretty sure he was just happy it wasn’t directed at him this time.. plus he’s an easy going fellow who is just as warped as I am when it comes to gaining pleasure from humiliating our kids.
Anyway, the girl smiles and asks him, “Would you like me to get my manager for you?” He glances over at me, I grinned at him with a “whatcha gonna do now” grin, he looked back at the girl who was giving him his second “whatcha gonna do now” grin in the span of 3 seconds and said.. “Yep, I want you to get your manager.”
Well shit! D started laughing his ass off and gave me a “whatcha gonna do now grin”, the girl looked at me with a “You bitch! You are going to get me in trouble” look and walked over to some dude that looked like a damn linebacker for a professional football team, who I assumed was the manager. I elbowed D in the ribs as hard as I could to get his ass back in line and on my side.. it didn’t work, but I did get a satisfying ‘oomph!’ out of it, while my son, in a matter of fact manner told me.. “You’re going to be sorry.”
The manager and all of his bulk came over to see what the problem was. Very loudly, my son tells him and probably everyone else in a 20 block radius of the theater.. “My mother loves Goobers! She loves to suck on them real hard until there is nothing left but the nuts, then she chomps down on them and crushes the nuts between her teeth. Do you have any Goobers back there that she can suck on? She’ll pay you.”
Well crap! I very successfully lost round one, and missed practically the whole movie because I spent my time plotting out a way to get even with him. Having Goobers on my mind I thought okay, that’s what that vile mixture of peanut butter and jelly all in the same jar is called. What the hell Smuckers was thinking when they invented that shit and decided to call it Goober is beyond me.. but completely beside the point.
So on the way home I told D to stop by the little family owned store that’s located a few blocks from my house. Most of the people who work there on the weekends are students.. students my son goes to school with, which could possibly be a source of humiliation for him since getting even with him was now a must. I described the mixed nastiness to him, told him I couldn’t remember the name of it and sent him in to purchase a jar.. yeah a poor excuse for payback I know, but I had to do something.
He goes in and comes back out to the car shaking his head. We’re all laughing at my really lame attempt to get even, he hands me the bag holding my jar of Goober Grape and says.. “You just won’t ever learn will you? They were real busy in there and Mr. H was having to help on one of the registers. He rang me up.”
Oh shit.. Mr. H is the owner of the store. He’s a divorced man that hits on every woman that comes in the place.. he also lives one street over from us, knows of my separated martial status and has attempted on a couple of occasions to “hook up”. Let me just interject here.. EEWW!
“I told him you were addicted to Goobers and to ask you about it the next time he saw you.”
Round two.. successfully lost. I give up.
Holy crap. You’ve met your match!
Wow now that’s awesome. I never could have gotten away with that. lol
BTW I love to suck on goobers also.
I think you’ve created a monster!
what do you expect- he learned from the master herself!
Oh man - I could use your imaginations here.
I am LOVIN’ this kid……he may need to marry my daughter! (hee-hee) I need someone who is a smart*ss to survive this family!
On a serious note….I am SO sorry about the loss that your son’s friend….the death of a child is beyond tragic. I will pray for his family…and yours!
Damn kids! Can we sell them for parts?! I bet yours would be worth a pretty penny *LOL*
Sorry about your friend’s son. That’s awful. I was wondering what had happened to you….now I know. Take your time, and we’ll see you when you visit next.
PS- Did you hear about Ryan?! I’m soooo sad about it. Please don’t ever stop blogging!
What’s the old saying, “You reap what you sew”?? Haha.
You should be so proud. He’s your prodigy.
I love your son. He’s such a smart-ass! The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree!
Oh wow Groovy Lady…I have to agree here, your son is just like you!
So quick witted, obviously…you were not quick enough this time. But, you will get him back. I know you’re not a quitter!
Again so sorry about your friend’s son who passed.
I was wondering what happened cause you always reply here and on your DM forum.
You don’t have to apologize, take your time.
He’s a genius!
NEVER mess with an embarassable teen unless you have a solid backup plan. You must ALWAYS assume they will have a good comeback - or better revenge.
That’s a great story. You have taught him well.
Goober.
Classic!
I want to marry your son! Ha, I was quick witted when I was a kid but he is the KING!!!!!! I’m sorry it backfired but damn I’m glad it wasn’t me! LOL
Your son, is my hero. I think I might make a game of this with my husband. We go to the movies every Monday night and he likes to give his tired old line of, “Do you have a loan application to go with that?” at the snack bar. I fear I will meet your faith, but it will make the night interesting.
Oh I need that laughter! LOL I LOVE ya’lls sense of humor!!!!!!!!! It is my hopes that my kids will turn out with that kind of attitude!
Sorry about the funeral stuff though.
I don’t know if I respect you for not pulling rank on your son in the theater or just pity you. I might have told the girl at the counter. “Don’t get your manager; I am the PAYING customer. If my boy can’t name the candy he wants, then I guess we will just have to move on to someone else’s order.”
Kind of unfair, I know, but he has to learn that life is unfair sometime, doesn’t he?
Your son ROCKS! Quick witted, smart aleck, he’s a genius and you bore him! You ROCK too, Lady! Oooo and you have two more smarty pants…you better learn a thing or two from your son to handle your other dev…angels.
LOL
@ Hammer.. Indeed I have! Or did.. it’s truly unfortunate though that “my match” can outmatch me now.
@ Snowman.. I wouldn’t have gotten away with it either, lol. Come to think of it, my parents wouldn’t have made a game out of ordering from the snack bar either, so perhaps that’s why, hahaha.
@ Terri.. I have, three of them actually! And I have no idea what I was thinking when I did so.
That is something friend of the family would do to us kids when he would bring us to the movies. Then he would leave us to our devices since I was the oldest. Embarrassing to the child but all in good nature. Have a good day.
what are chocolate covered raisons called over there, I love those too.So to avoid the apple tree thing again I will make something up.If you spit in a srong wind be ready to wipe your eye.
Boy, you are kind of twisted, aren’t you? LOL
But you’re funny, I wonder what they will be like as adults. Not that you may have much control over that.
The most effective argument for birth control I know is spending the day with kids…. And adults. LOL
that’s strong wind.(please insert (t)
I would so do that to my mom!!
That’s classic!
I’m very sorry to hear about your friend’s son. Such a tragedy
OHMIGOD….your son rocks! lol.
You totally have to buy this shirt and wear it to the next parent teacher conference:
http://www.funtocollect.com/gooberscandytshirt.html
You are funny…..and your kids too!
So sorry about your friends son. I will keep his family in my prayers.
We miss you Groovy and we’re thinking about ya!
I’m not sure we can really win. The kids beat us every day.
Hope you are holding up ok.Hugs.
You have to admit, you asked for it when trying to embarrass your son!
Sorry to hear about the loss. I also apologize to you for not stopping by here very often. (had the baby on the 10th) I hope to visit your blog at least once a week if I can. =)
Where are you?! And more importantly WHEN are you coming back???
Miss you.
Yeah I have the same question as Michelle’s statement above…where are you? Hope you are okay.
You popped into my head this morning so I thought I’d stop by and say “Hi”.
Hope all is well with you.
where are you?
Heeeellllooooooooooooo? Anyone there, Groovy lady?
Entertain me, damnit!
Groovy Lady, I am sorry to hear about your time off and the dad reason for it.
Please take care. Love, Ched
The SAD reason for it. People should not blog Before coffee… sorry really.
Take care, C.
Hey Groovy Lady…I hope all is well. Been missing you.
It has indeed been a long time since I’ve seen you online, I hope whatever is happening, will turn out to be ok…
Take care of yourself and your family,C!
still thinking of you
Groovy Lady - Hope you are well. Missing you.
I’ll be setting my blog to ‘private’ and I wanted to be sure to let you know. If you would like to be able to still visit me -at least once in a while- email me with your email adress and I’ll add it to the list of readers who can still view the blog.
If not, take care friend,
Michelle
I hope you and your family are well. I wanted to let you know that I’ve moved sites.
Take care.
we can wait. take your time.
Just stopping by to let you know you have been tagged…I hope everthing is getting better for you and yours
All the Best
I miss you
Just thought you should know that!
We all miss you and send you hugs.
Where are you! Has anyone had any contact with her? I tried the contact above, but have yet to hear back. It’s been like a month, are you in jail and they won’t let you have your one blog phone call!?
I hope you’re okay!
HAHAHAH… that is awesome! I have a soon to be 14 year old… and I love to yank his chain!
listen, i’ve never left a comment on your site before. i’m a lurker, but it goes without saying that i enjoy your writing, your view of the world, your wit. i’m presuming a lot here, but i just want to tell you that i hope you can endure. i’ve had to do a lot of that this year. sometimes we just have to hang on and wait for it to pass. sometimes there are things we can not fix, there is no repair. in which case, the strong endure and survive. i believe you’re a survivor, and i hope those you care for are also. i admitted up front that this was presumptuous. if i’m way off base, please disregard it and accept my apologies.
Your son is king! However I do bow to your “immaturedness…(is that a word?) and pray to God to become more like you…
It is refreshing to meet someone else who knows that the real reason to have children is to torture them…After all…what other point is there for them?
MISSING YOU A LOT.
I wish you would write so we’d know you’re okay….
By the way, I got married in the meantime.
I heard a vicious rumor that you were over at “poop’s”. Come back!!!! Hope all is well.
I’m getting really worried about you! It’s been what, about three months since you wrote an entry? Come back and let us know you’re at least okay!
Omg, I just shot coke out my nose cause of course I was taking a swallow right about the time your son decided to talk to the manager…..that was great!