Happy Easter everyone. I hope you all had a egg-cellent day! Good grief I’m corny.

My kids, of course looked damn spectacular because they are spectacular looking children (can you tell I’m the mom?). Pfft well they are dagnabbit. That’s my word for the day because it rhymes with rabbit and well you know.. Easter and all.

Okay, got a question for those of you poor folks who haven’t given completely up on me posting here and still come around some to see if my leaden fingers gained any agility and actually typed something. I asked this same question of my kiddos yesterday and was just really shocked by the variety of answers I got from them and their budros…

In your mind when you think of the Easter Bunny, what do you picture him/her/it to look like?

Personally, I have always visualized a “mascot” looking bunny type dude, which let me tell you COMPLETELY traumatized by 7 year old. Geez, I think I caused the child to picture something out of “Night of the Lepus” which imdb describes as “Giant mutant rabbits terrorize the southwest!!” They only showed the HUGE & BIG, killer lepus/rabbits as shadows because it was made back before special effects became a requirement of the movie world.

Anywhoo… here is what my crew pictures…

16 year old son: Bunny from Donnie Darko (he is such a freak)

15 year old son: He also pictures a “mascot” looking bunny dude but he thinks he is pink with a blue belly.

7 year old daughter: A cartoon bunny of course! He’s white with a big pink nose and huge floppy ears. He wears a blue bow tie with purple polka dots and is otherwise naked. He also carries a huge basket full of yellow, pink and blue eggs. Oh! And he is not a smoker.. no idea where that came from but whatever, it was important for her to know that I knew that or something.

Various others: Trix cereal rabbit, a little gray bunny, a real looking white bunny with one brown ear and a brown spot over one eye, Bugs Bunny, Jessica Rabbit, Chucky with real long ears (you know the killer doll) that one obviously came from a friend of the 16 year old visualizing the Donnie Darko rabbit, etc.

So what does the Easter Bunny look like in your mind?

While you are pondering that here is a little comedy for you from Robin Williams. There was no way I was going to use Jefferson Airplane’s White Rabbit for fear I would puke.. so this is as close as I could get to a “theme” song.

Robin Williams does an “Elmer Fudd singing a song” parody of Bruce Springsteen.. Elmer Fudd was always after Bugs Bunny.. ya know what I mean? “Spring”steen, Easter marks the beginning of Spring kinda… Easter.. bunny… get it? Okay, it’s a stretch I grant you that but it works for me and doesn’t make me want to puke.

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Obviously, I have been away for quite awhile now, lol.. or did you not notice? I know some of you did because you have sent me lots of really nice messages via comments on the latest posts and many via the contact form on the site. You all are so nice and I feel bad that I haven’t posted something sooner.

First off, and I suppose you can tell if you are reading this, I am indeed alive and kicking. When I first quit posting it was mainly because of two things, both of which had to do with real life intervening..

My grandmother became seriously ill, bed ridden and subsequently passed away. My mother had moved her into her house and needed all the help she could get, so I tried to step in where I could. During that time, it became quite obvious that I had a “stalker” issue going on that had me completely freaked out. It seemed my “sicko” cyber acquaintance was using the info I posted on here and by lurking at some of my other sites, to keep up with everything going on in mine and my children’s lives. It would have freaked me out enough if I was flying solo here, but when my children started being mentioned.. well.. hmmm.. I think you all can imagine how that affected me.

Other than the above, my kids have kept me jumping while out of school for summer vacation, we are selling our beach house which has required WAY too many trips to the beach over the last two months, honest to God, if I never see sand again as long as I live I will be one happy little buckaroo! Meanwhile, my oldest son got his driver’s license (yay him!!) and now I’m trying to teach him how to drive a manual transmission car (5 speed).. and let me just go ahead and say HOLY SHIT!!! I’ll tell you more about our attempts with that at another time.

You know, I just realized I summed up the past 2 months of my life in two paragraphs, lol.. damn that’s sad! Oh well whatever. I did realize while I was away however, how very time consuming it is to blog.. if you want to do it right that is, which of course I do, but simply don’t have the time to. So this is my revised attempt at fitting it into my life without it affecting other/previous obligations.. and hopefully without any sicko bastards lurking around this time.

Okie dokie, I think that is about enough for now.. other than this…

I want to wish a lifetime of happiness and best wishes to two of my blogging buddies that got married while I have been away.. Michelle and Ryan. Of course, they didn’t marry each other, they each married their significant other and I just couldn’t possibly be happier for them. So this song is for the 4 of you.. “Ryan and Girlfriend Wife” and “Michelle and Montreal Photographer”. I want ya’ll to play it and dance with your new spouses.. to make me happy.

By the way, if anyone knows how I can find Michelle, I would appreciate the directions, lol.. it seems Once Upon A Time, her former blog is gone. Thanks!

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Hammer created a really cool meme that he tagged me for. Actually I got double tagged since I Eat Snowman Poop got me too. Yay me! That means I get to leave double long answers!

1. What is the stupidest mistake you have ever made with money?
We own a swimming pool/spa/outdoor furniture business. I left the bank night deposit bag that had over $15,000 (cash & checks) in it on the roof of my car, drove off and didn’t realize it until I got to the bank. Around $7,000 of it was cash and none of it was ever retrieved.

2. Do you think taxes are unfair or do you think it’s your civic duty?
Civic duty, however I don’t necessarily like how they are being used.. specifically in my community.

3. Do you take risks and possibly turn your life upside down for new opportunity?
I’m absolutely not a risk taker. I don’t like change period and prefer knowing what is around every corner.

4. Are you the alpha in your household? (Include pets)
Yes, I think I am, but sometimes I’m not too sure, lol. I have to forever watch my back for fear of being overthrown. Currently I have 3 underage people vying for my position of power.

5. Do you compromise with your significant other or does someone always get their way?
I compromise by letting him think I’m a bitch as long as I get to act like one. Is that what you mean?

6. What curse word do you use most often?
Holy hell and Holy shit.. I like my curses to be spiritual in nature.

7. Do you easily change your mind or are you dead set on most issues?
I’m dead set once I make my mind up on something. It’s the getting to that point I have problems with. I like to over-analyze and consider every possible scenario before I make up my mind on anything. Then, if I end up having to change my mind it ticks me off that I didn’t think of whatever it is I’m changing it to first.. you know before the person who convinced me to change it did.

8. What famous person would you like to trade places with for one week?
Whoever Sam Elliott is having sex with.

9. If you could go back in time and tell one person off, who would it be and what would you say?
My soon to be ex sister-in-law. I would tell her that her children’s best interest should come before her wants and desires, as well as her need to screw over their father, who worships the ground they walk on, at every available opportunity.

10. Were you a good student or did you do just enough to get by?
Both. I only did enough to get by, yet made really good grades and received a 4 year academic scholarship. Unfortunately, I hated school with an intense passion and only used two years of it before I decided to drop out and burn up a good portion of my braincells instead.

11. If you could give one piece of advice to someone just starting out on their own, what would you tell them?
Get one credit card to use only in case of an emergency and try like hell to never use it.

12. Are people basically good and honest or are most people opportunistic and predatory?
I think most people are basically good and honest, but they definitely watch out for their own best interest first, regardless of who gets hurt or stepped on in the process. Consideration for others seems to be more at their convenience opposed to their primary nature. I can’t think of those people as opportunistic or predatory though, because I think it’s how today’s society has molded most people to behave.

13. Is there somebody you wish you could go back and apologize to?
Yes, a really sweet boy I went to high school with that liked me a lot. I was never really mean to him, but did try to avoid him and I could have very easily been a whole hell of a lot nicer to him. Our senior year he was killed in a car wreck.

I tag Not Fearing Change, Chedwick at Tangled Up In L’Heure Bleue, Sayre Smiles, Limpy99 at I Have a Bomb Shelter And You Can’t Use It and Jeff at Psychosomatic Wit.

If ya’ll do it, be sure to add a link to Hammer’s site so people will know where it came from… http://whenyouronlytoolisahammer.blogspot.com/

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I just returned from a torturous morning spent watching 20 plus 6 and 7 year old children in my daughter’s 1st grade class. Her teacher was running late due to car problems and my ever fickle child picked this morning to revert back to her kindergarten antics of not wanting to go into the building.

Last year out of the approximate 180 day school year we missed 154 of them, so fear of that horrible habit settling back in with her, had me dragging her into the school this morning kicking and screaming. When we got to her classroom we were met by one of the office staff, Joyce, who happens to be a friend of mine since this is my 10th consecutive year having a child in that school. She asked me to watch them for just a few minutes until the teacher arrived.

Did she care that I was in pajamas? Hell no she did not, she knows me for the “should have can’t say no tattooed on her forehead” person that I am and only replied.. “Yeah and you’ll still be in them when you pick her up this afternoon. Besides they are 1st graders, they won’t even notice. Really cute pajamas by the way.”

She started walking out of the room like it was a given that I would watch them. So I told her.. “But I’m not even wearing a bra!” She shrugged and told me as long as I wasn’t planning to whip a tit out she didn’t care and left the room. Bitch!

It took about 2 minutes before the little boy in her room, who has to be the spawn of Satan, came up to me and started giving me shit. I’m going to call him Aaron for various reasons. One being because I don’t want to give his freaky ass momma a reason to sue me if she ever reads this, but mainly because it fits with my song at the end of this post and it works out nicely for me.

Aaron is the class terror.. he is disruptive as hell, mean to the other students, mean to the teacher and he pisses in his pants EVERY frigging day. It doesn’t matter where he is, in the room, lunchroom, hallway.. wherever. He will ask to go to the bathroom, gets permission and stands up and pisses in his pants. His mother sends him a change of clothes.

Anyway, Aaron comes up to me and points out that I’m wearing pajamas. I said, “Yes I know. Have you been to the bathroom?” He turned around and wiggled his butt at me. So I told him to wiggle his bottom over to his chair and plant himself in it, while the rest of the class chanted out to watch out because he would pee on me. Oh hell no he will not, I thought but scooted out of his line of fire just in case he tried.

The kid just stood there staring at me, so I stared back determined to out stare him. The rest of the class was up out of their chairs doing I don’t know what and I really didn’t care. Right at the point that I really needed to blink he said, “You need to do something with that hair of yours.” I bit back the “fuck you” that was on the tip of my tongue since he was just a kid and said.. “I’m entering a beauty contest later.. don’t you think it looks good?” Out of the mouth of a six year old.. to an adult (who in the blink of an eye started acting like she was 6 years old too), the little brat says…

Aaron: “It looks like shit!”

Me: “Hey! You need to watch your mouth little man!”

Aaron: “I’m telling on you!”

Me: “Telling on me? What did I do?!?”

Aaron: “You’re being mean to me.”

Me: “I haven’t done anything to you but tell you to sit back down.”

Class: (chorus) “He’s going to pee on you! He’s going to pee on you!”

Me: “Everyone be quiet! Sit down in your chairs and do.. yeah whatever.. something quiet. That includes you too.”

As I pierced the damn brat with a stare that said “or I’m going to kick your ass”, which was a waste of a good I’m going to kick your ass stare because it didn’t phase him.

Aaron: “I’m going to bite you.”

Me: “Have you had your rabies shot?”

Aaron: “What’s that?”

Me: “Never mind. If you bite me, I’m going to bite you back.”

Aaron: “I’m telling on you!!! My mom is gonna be mad at you!”

Me: “Tell your mom kid.. I’d like to talk to her too and tell her what a brat you are. Wait! Her name isn’t Candy is it?”

If it was Candy (aka Big Bertha), I was planning on doing some real quick ass kissing because that woman scares the hell out of me and could kick my ass without even working up a sweat.

Joyce: (enters the room) “How’s it going? Just checking on you in here. It’s kind of loud, we can hear the commotion all the way down in the office.”

Aaron: “She said she was going to bite me!”

Joyce: “What?!?”

Class Chant: “Ms. Cathy’s gonna bite Aaron!” “Aaron’s gonna pee on Ms. Cathy!” “Ms. Cathy’s in her pajamas!” “She needs to comb her hair!”

My traitorous flesh and blood child: “She doesn’t have on a bra.”

Aaron: “I have to go to the bathroom!”

Me: “That’s it! I’m outta here.”

I yelled bye to my daughter, ran as fast as I could away from all those mini Satans in 6 year old bodies and Piss Aaron before he had time to whip it out and aim.

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