I might have to hunt down one of our regular visitors here.. (hmm… maybe I should keep her nameless.. pffft to hell with that.. KRYSTAL). That blasted woman deserves any amount of bodily harm I deem necessary and would like to afflict on her not so fair person. She knew the score, had read my Sock Numbering post.. but I suppose she thought it would be fun to…

DRIVE ME FRIGGING CRAZY!!!

She left me a message on my instant messenger this morning, just hanging there waiting for me…

[08:53] *****: Are you there?
[08:53] *****: Check this out…..when you get a chance. You being OCD, this will drive you nuts.
[08:53] *****:
http://members.iinet.net.au/~pontipak/redsquare.html

Ohhh the taunting nature of it all.. just look at the temptation that was laid out before me.. a mysterious link, unwanted, unasked for.. tossed right before my eyes. To me.. an admitted obsessive personality type. Like I would be able to resist clicking, ha! As if my person contained enough self control to NOT click on that link. I tried.. I honestly tried. But she kept messaging me drawing my attention to the link.. bugging me…

The temptation was becoming unbearable. I had to know what lurked beyond the link, what was waiting there, what would refuse to unlock its jaws from the death bite I knew it was about to unleash on my ass. I lasted 8 minutes…

[09:02] Cathy: screw you bitch!
[09:02] Cathy: dont send me shit like those squares
[09:02] Cathy: now I will be doing this shit all day until I get to 18 seconds
[09:02] Cathy: so far 5.656 is my best time
[09:02] Cathy: I have a long way to go

I immediately became obsessed with reaching the 18 seconds the site’s author considered “doing brilliantly”. I wanted to reach 18! I NEEDED to reach 18!! I was not going to stop UNTIL I reached 18!!! She, on the other hand, felt mocking me was a good idea…

[09:02] *****: Oh….LOL. Sorry….I thought they were funny. I got to 14 and I gave up!
[09:03] *****: Wow…I haven’t been called a bitch in a long time. LOL
[09:03] *****: I am, I just hide it well.
[09:03] *****: I’m laughing so hard right now. LOL
[09:03] Cathy: 6.75
[09:03] *****: Wanna race?
[09:03] Cathy: .531
[09:03] Cathy: lol
[09:03] Cathy: hell no!

I had a shortlived moment of hope…

[09:04] Cathy: whoohooo
[09:04] Cathy: 11 sec

But she just had to keep taunting me, and the second obsession kicked in.. I needed to beat her…

[09:04] *****: 13.125
[09:04] *****: 15.718
[09:05] *****: 12.547
[09:05] *****: Arghhhhhh
[09:05] Cathy: 17.23

That’s right bitch.. I’m winning.. I’m winning! Ahh, silence.. manna from heaven. She finally shut the hell up so I could concentrate… Damn! She starts messaging me again..

[09:10] *****: Did you get it yet?
[09:10] *****: they start going faster.
[09:10] Cathy: no damn it
[09:10] Cathy: leave me alone
[09:10] Cathy:
[09:11] *****: LOL
[09:12] *****: You almost had it at 17.23.
[09:12] *****:

Mwahahahha! Mwahahahahahaha!!!

[09:13] Cathy: 18.063!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[09:13] *****: Yay!!!

I would be a happy camper if only the story ended there.. but no it doesn’t. Here it is, almost 5:00 in the afternoon, I have not accomplished any work at all, and the obsession feeder is probably sitting there wondering why I haven’t replied to her 100000000000 messages she has left me or anyone else’s for that matter…

IT’S DRIVING ME FRIGGING CRAZY!!!

I NEED to get to 20 so I can stop this madness. I’m starting to think that rounded numbers suck almost as much as obsession feeders.

Note: Krystal knows that I dig her obsession feeding ass and that all references to her being a bitch are done in the most loving of ways. Ain’t that right bitch?

15 Groovy Comments

It started right after Christmas with weekly frequency. It’s this one particular religious group that I choose to keep nameless… but every week it is the same group and more often than not, the same two guys from the week before. They come to tell me that their religion is the one true religion.

Shouldn’t it be enough that for the last nine consecutive weeks I have politely informed them that we are perfectly content with our choice of religion and are not interested in being converted?

I realize they are trying to good, but around week four I started wondering, do they realize that instead of bringing me closer to God they are instrumental in securing me a place in hell? It’s not even just a random spot either, you know like over in an obscure corner.. no, I’ll probably be seated right next to Satan and forever known as his familiar, all because of the vile thoughts they are bringing out in me.

They come to tell me about God and in my mind I condemn them to the fires of hell. They hand me their brochures and I try to figure out how I can shove it up their ass since they have on clothes. They smile sweet, peaceful smiles and I want to ram my fist into their pearly whites.

I just don’t get it. Why EVERY Saturday morning? Is my neighborhood plagued with sinners? Are we like the Sodom and Gomorrah of Alabama? Now, here we are at week ten and I can say without a doubt that they have succeeded in tromping all over my last nerve that was available for random usage.

So maybe that’s why when the doorbell rang at 8:30 this morning, I greeted them with, “What the hell do you want?”

Maybe it was my severe case of mattress head or my less than pleasant greeting. Maybe it was my attire of wife beater t-shirt and boxer shorts. Maybe it was the snarl on my face and the baseball bat I was brandishing.. I dunno, but the duo just stood there and stared.

So I shouted, “What are you looking at?” But they continued to remain silent and just stare.. so I asked “Well?!? What the hell do you want?”

By this time my 15 year old son and two of his skateboarding buddies that had spent the night, made their way to the door with my 6 year old following on their heels. Heaven knows they had driven me batty all night, so I figured, why not turn them loose on our early morning callers.. maybe they will have the same effect on them. So I told them, “Door is for ya’ll.” and slammed it shut.

I should have done this the first time our household got hit up for religious conversion. Nothing like a bunch of teenage boys with long ratty hair, pierced ears and dressed in ripped up clothes to present a challenge for the suit clad pamphlet pushers who are maybe 5 years their senior.

The young men in suits immediately started telling the boys why they were there and holding out their pamphlets. I saw my 6 year old take one and start reading it very s-l-o-w-l-y.. sounding out each and every syllable to get the words just right… she just loves an audience.

I stood by the door long enough to hear the boys reply to the young men’s remarks with things like.. “Yeah but can you do a Pop-Shove-It Backside Nose Slide?” And things like, “How do you feel about the use of depleted uranium in warheads of mass destruction?” And.. “Since you are religious men, how do you feel about the use of the term Merry Christmas.. is that not a blatant slap in the face to Jewish people? Don’t you think that Happy Holidays or Season’s Greetings would be better to use when talking to people of different religions?” And.. “Quick! What’s 7,392,000 plus 437,684?”

But when I heard Sal mistakenly and very loudly sound out a passage in their religious reading material as.. “The whore is upon us..” instead of “The hour is upon us..” I walked away with a smile on my face knowing my work there was done and that the kids had things well under control. Of course, I have now probably condemned my children and their friends to hell right along beside me.. but I think we may have put an end to our early morning callers.

Hopefully, God understands and will forgive us for messing with the minds of His self-appointed messengers.

12 Groovy Comments

I have been sitting here, honestly at a loss, reading some of the reviews that this year’s winner of the Newbery Medal (the most prestigious award in children’s literature) has been getting. Actually it makes me want to grab the adults writing these reviews by the collar and just shake them until their eyebrows fall off.

The book that is for the 9 -12 age group, that won this year’s award and is being banned (translates to censorship is still alive and kicking) from libraries all across the country is “The Higher Power of Lucky” by Susan Patron. Why is it being banned? Because of the use of the word “scrotum” on the first page of the book. Yes it could have been left out.. but at the same time it fits with the story so what’s wrong with it? I bet it captures kids attention, makes them laugh.. and hooks them enough to read the whole book too. So precisely where does the problem come in? In the minds of prudes.. that’s where.

Hello.. do you think kids this age are not using far more offensive terms for this particular body part? Or just because it’s a word and area of the human body that you yourself consider taboo and never to be discussed, unless it is given some cutesy 3 year old nickname like “coinpurse” that they are doing the same? You are a blind fool that is living in some alternate universe if you do. When is it okay for a kid to read the word scrotum.. when they are no longer a kid?

Hell, my sons asked me at that age if I had ever put their dad’s penis in my mouth and if I did.. why did I do it? After I picked my tongue up off the floor, I realized that up until that question was asked, I made the mistake of thinking they were far too young and innocent to even think such thoughts. More the fool I.  …read more

5 Groovy Comments

I have several sites, two of them have forums on them… Devoted Moms and iMom Network. Unlike this particular site, they ARE family friendly. After visiting both first thing this morning it got me thinking.. some folks, mainly men I have noticed, are confused. They apparently think WAHM, that most of us know, stands for Work At Home Mom, is synonymous with WHAM, as in wham bam thank you ma’am.

They have to. If they didn’t, then that would mean that they are the dumbest stumps on the face of the earth, or one truly sick ass bastard. Oh wait! They are both!! Why else would they post explicit pornographic pictures and stories about “whamming” their 14 year old kid sister on a forum so obviously for moms?

Devoted Moms… does that title say Deviant Sex Crazed Moms? No it does not. That right there should clue them in, should it not? If I think of a devoted mom.. the first thing that pops in my mind is NOT pedophiliac tendancies. No, the first thing that pops in my mind is a mom that cares about her children and more than likely has one or three hovering near by. Which means what? We would rather NOT have them see some chick getting cum shot all over her face, sucking three abnormally large dicks at once that would have most normal women running away terror-stricken, or having them inserted in various body parts all at the same time.

Note: If you are a porn poster, posting on MOM forums and sites…

YOU . ARE . AN . ASS!

No, strike that. Why malign a perfectly good anal orifice by comparing it with you?

5 Groovy Comments

Being a teenage boy in high school is hard at times. My oldest son got suspended today. Three days suspension for fighting. According to the principal, a fight he did not start… he was defending himself against some smart ass little creep (I call him this because I can and I’m angry). But none of that matters. School rules state that there is no fighting.. period. If someone hits you, then tell a teacher, walk away, whatever.. but you cannot hit them back without landing yourself in trouble too.

Well you know.. to hell with that. I understand the rule, I even agree that they need some fighting rules in place, but that doesn’t mean I will enforce it if my child is defending himself. I have told both of my boys from the get go… if someone puts their hands on them in anger, tell them to stop. If they don’t, then MAKE them stop. They have to do this. Let’s face it, they only have three options available to them when this crap happens:  …read more

10 Groovy Comments