He’s A Whore
I am so darn disappointed I can’t stand it. Look at some of the searches that have taken place to get here…
I really thought limpy would have known my URL by now…
13 Groovy Comments Spit or Swallow
Some people spit, some people swallow. Personally, I’ve always been a spitter and feel pretty confident I’ll always be one. There are just some things that (I think) are not meant to be swallowed.. EVER. However, there are those people in the world that can swallow most anything and not even gag. Then there are others that go ahead and swallow but practically throw up in their mouth because they can’t control the gag reflex that immediately follows when a gross substance is sliding its way down their throat.
Unfortunately, the option to be a spitter or a swallower without causing a disruptive scene has been taken away from us. Even more unfortunate is the fact that unless you are a professional with outdated equipment, there is absolutely nothing you can do about this travesty. Me being the non-professional, self-proclaimed spitter that I am, I think this sucks.
Now take my youngest son for example, he is a swallower-cum-gagger. I know this because he swallowed then gagged, which subsequently set off a chain reaction of me gagging and then his little sister. Hell, the whole incident affected her so adversely that she had to go running for the bathroom where she stood over the toilet dry heaving for 5 minutes. Luckily, my gagging fit was manageable since I only experience a couple of “Mmmuh.. mmmuh..” episodes while in the midst of a conversation.
It was a very gross moment for all of us. However, in my son’s defense it really wasn’t his fault since he had no idea he could spit if he wanted to. Some of you may be wondering how it’s possible he didn’t know this. I find nothing strange about it at all considering that each of the dental facilities he has visited are relatively new and no longer have the old fashioned spit sink that used to sit next to the patient’s chair. Now everything is done with suction. If you want to actually spit, you have to tell the dentist so he can stop what he is doing, get up and spit in the main sink located on the other side of the room.
Now tell me, if you happen to be a spitter too, just how frigging inconvenient is that crap? Personally, it pisses me off. There should be a spit sink damn it!
I Have No Fundamental Right To Screw Myself
“The 11th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals ruled that Alabama’s sex toy ban is constitutional because ‘the state’s interest in preserving and promoting public morality provides a rational basis for the challenged statue.’ …In previous appeals… the 11th Circuit held there was no fundamental right to use sexual devices.” Full article (Source: Sun-Sentinial.com)
Being an Alabamian, reading about this law caused the little nuts & bolts in my often times freaky mind to start jangling about…
- Was that panel of judges all male?
- Can’t all kinds of non-outlawed items be used as sex toys.. string of pearls, ice, hell I know some folks that could get pretty imaginative with a toothbrush if need be… so?
- Isn’t this the same argument that some people use with gun control? That if practically anything can be used as a weapon, what sense does it make to ban guns?.
- People get screwed with guns all the time.. why aren’t they obscene?
- Will people now picket Alabama courthouses with signs saying, “If dildos are outlawed, only outlaws will have dildos!” Like they do regarding guns?
- What will get banned next?
- Should I stock up on bananas & cucumbers.. just in case?
- Or does this mean I should buy stock in vegetation, since sales could possibly peak?
As I was pondering the likelihood of the state’s agricultural market being affected by this law, a new and frankly terrifying thought occurred…
Is this why God gave me hands? Should I be concerned? 
Rant: It’s WAHM Not WHAM
I have several sites, two of them have forums on them… Devoted Moms and iMom Network. Unlike this particular site, they ARE family friendly. After visiting both first thing this morning it got me thinking.. some folks, mainly men I have noticed, are confused. They apparently think WAHM, that most of us know, stands for Work At Home Mom, is synonymous with WHAM, as in wham bam thank you ma’am.
They have to. If they didn’t, then that would mean that they are the dumbest stumps on the face of the earth, or one truly sick ass bastard. Oh wait! They are both!! Why else would they post explicit pornographic pictures and stories about “whamming” their 14 year old kid sister on a forum so obviously for moms?
Devoted Moms… does that title say Deviant Sex Crazed Moms? No it does not. That right there should clue them in, should it not? If I think of a devoted mom.. the first thing that pops in my mind is NOT pedophiliac tendancies. No, the first thing that pops in my mind is a mom that cares about her children and more than likely has one or three hovering near by. Which means what? We would rather NOT have them see some chick getting cum shot all over her face, sucking three abnormally large dicks at once that would have most normal women running away terror-stricken, or having them inserted in various body parts all at the same time.
Note: If you are a porn poster, posting on MOM forums and sites…
YOU . ARE . AN . ASS!
No, strike that. Why malign a perfectly good anal orifice by comparing it with you?
Want To Dental Floss Your Ass?
Well then wear a pair of thongs. Oh holy hell! If that is not the most torturous of all women’s intimate apparel that has ever been invented then I don’t know what is. They are not only uncomfortable, they mess with your mind and your self-esteem.
It was one of those times. I skipped doing laundry for longer than I should have and found myself faced with two options, wear a pair of 7 year old maternity underwear that I didn’t even realize I still had.. or the fifty cents worth of fabric that I paid $12 bucks for. Yep, when I finally got around to the dreaded activity of putting on actual clothing (approx 1:55 this afternoon), I found myself staring at the panty drawer rejects. All I can say is thank goodness I only had to endure them for a couple of hours, which was about an hour and fifty-five minutes longer than it took me to realize how they came to buried underneath every other pair of panties I own to begin with.
In my opinion there are only two occassions when thongs can be withstood.. 1. when you are wearing something that would look like dog dung if you had pantylines showing through and you have sufficiently done a mental preparation for the agony you are going to endure and/or 2. in situations such as mine today, which just for the record I will either wear those maternity panties I mentioned or go commando before I wear those things again. However, if you are the possessor of your standard run of the mill mommy body and not one of those women with a great body (otherwise known as those bitches!) and are inclined to do any of the following…
- Be reminded that no matter how many crunches you do you will always have that little rounded belly after baking a baby or three.
- Walk around singing “I Got That Wedgie Feeling”
- Constantly tug at your butt and not be able to grab ahold of anything
- Be paranoid that you might have a car wreck and have the paramedics snicker when they cut off your clothes.. or gasp in horror
- Pay for the therapy that you and the paramedics will need after the above takes place
- Get a live example of what buns of steel are not
- Or, the before mentioned.. find out what it feels like to dental floss your ass…
Then by all means, wear a pair of thongs.
